I did not realize it until tonight. I did not realize that I have been avoiding writing this because it is too big and too emotional and too much for me to handle thinking about unless its dark. I never ever would have guessed a year ago that I could have found what I did in Colorado. I was not just love; I tend to find that almost everywhere this year. It was normal, simple love which is something no one has ever given to me. All the love I have been handed over by people feels just like that, like it was handed to me. That I should be thankful to receive it. There was something else to the love, something hard or something to forgive. But this love, these people I found at Copper, required nothing of me other than presence. They loved me. They loved me with the most profound and normal love that has existed in my life.
They taught me that I deserve to receive love that never hurts.
They taught me that I deserve to have friends that love me unconditionally.
I learned and interacted and lived in many different ways this winter, but it is unfair to write about love and friendship without mentioning snowboarding. It is unromantic, the word and the perception of what it is, but it is most magical thing I have ever done. It has brought so much meaning to my life, so much growth. It was a catalyst for simple love, and a companion for the depth of life that does not include things that destroy you. In some ways this is harder to describe than friendship because of the weight our world gives to the things that become the most important; people make sense, snowboarding does not. But I am here to proclaim that snowboarding contains emotional intimacy, and wisdom, and lyrical wonderful ways of being in this world.
Love and friendship and snowboarding, they are all the very best thing. They are all concepts I am lost with when I begin to attempt to put them in to words. My favorite things about myself I found in Colorado and I miss it I miss it I miss it I miss it I miss it.